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24 July 2003
I’ve heard a lot of these lately (quite a few from my own mouth), so I’m something of a connoisseur.
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‘The wind caught it.’
- As the court’s pretty isolated, this isn’t that preposterous, but its power is reduced because everyone else is playing on the same court, you fool.
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‘I thought we weren’t playing.’
- OK, so that’s fair enough considering that mostly no-one’s really ready until the serve lands in the service box, but still, play the ball.
- Plucking fluff from your strings
- A bit weak, this one, but actions are louder than words. Only really works if the ball’s come off the racquet at a weird angle.
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‘I was looking at where so-and-so was.’
- While this is to be encouraged, don’t commit that cardinal sin of taking your eye off the ball. Jesus.
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‘The idea was right.’
- Like the above, but without the admission of the cardinal sin.
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‘That was an impossible angle.’
- A variation of the above. Use it when your opponent’s found the sideline, basically, even if you’d let the ball sit up in the middle of the court for them.
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‘I couldn’t see the net/line.’
- We played the other night at some courts that you have to pay for (hey, we were in the area for network games, not tennis). We didn’t pay but then again, the courts didn’t have lights. Sending up lobs became the order of the day, as well as much paranoid flinching when the ball was heard but not seen.
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‘That was a dodgy bounce.’
- The most widely-used genuine excuse, somewhat offset by the bounce being fairly predictable on these courts.
- Looking at the racquet perplexedly
- Old Faithful, as I like to call it. Played an air shot? Don’t look back at the ball, at anyone else on or off court, the sky or the ground. Look at your racquet in surprise, as if you were sure there was a gaping hole where strings had once been.
- Taking off the shades
- A new new entry, starting today. It’s a legitimate excuse, too; whenever I took them off I played the next few points a whole lot better, especially on my serve.